omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
