You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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