too bad you live with your parents still
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize