This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
