You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
