barbara walters just said penis...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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