end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
