i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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