I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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