fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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