I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Randomize
