I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
