Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Randomize