I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
