M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it's great music for shaving your balls
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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