Don't you send me to vm
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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