I just pynch a tree in the face
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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