You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
