We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
