fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
