I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
