i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
