Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
