I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you have to choose: penises or morals?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
