Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
