We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
