eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
