I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My liver just broke up with me...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
