I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
