made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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