I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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