He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
