Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
worst night to have a conscience
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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