Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
