What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
