i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
