I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my shit smells like andre
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
