if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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