I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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