we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize