just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
