YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
