I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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