Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
