we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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