she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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