So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Randomize
