Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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