Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
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Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
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Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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