not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
