Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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