Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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