Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
