Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
