So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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