8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
