I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
