I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
