The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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