so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
