That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
