Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
