I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
