as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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