I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
