I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
