last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
