how can u be prego again
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
