When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
