so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
