I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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