Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
