I bet he comes in French.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
